Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Growing up.

I was hit with some daunting news today, reiterated by my mother from my cousin. A little back story for those who don't know even though I whinge about it enough. I'm applying to do economics in Aberystwyth university come September. I need two Bs and the Welsh baccalaureate. Before I can even think about the future, I should finish all of these off and indefinitely pass with flying colours; preferably with two As at least. But I started drifting from the present, to the future. A scary thought for a teenager.

She gave me the news that if I really want to get into investment banking or broking or whatever, I need to apply for internships as soon as possible. Preferably as I start university so I have the confirmed place to boast to employers. She knows a few people who did economics and are now doing banking and broking as a job. It's something I'd like to do and I'm interested in doing. She informed my mum that she could get me application forms for internships in these companies. These companies are in London. To me, that's beyond scary.

When you think about it, it's an incredible opportunity which shouldn't be ignored. I'm not going to ignore it either but I'm still frightened by the prospect. London? It's the capital. The population is in excess, it's hectic, it's dangerous, it's expensive and lonely. It's a lonely place for someone like me to pack up and go to. Words can't describe the fear. I panicked earlier, even though it's at least three years away. A bit ridiculous when you think about it but I still can't help worry about moving to London. I'd be leaving family and friends to start fresh in a brand new city which is full to the brim of talent. There's competition in every aspect of London and that frightens someone so painfully average like me.

I'm getting ahead of myself, of course. These are all hypothetical. I need to actually get accepted to the internship, pass my degree (with 1:1 or 2:1 at least) and before that, get the grades now. That leads me to another frightening idea. What if I don't get the grades? I know two Bs aren't hard and they're easily manageable but I'm a professional procrastinator. I ultimately suffer not from laziness but lethargy. I have desire, passion and interest but I lack the drive to achieve. I live in a sort of bubble where I think no harm can happen. I know this is false but I can't help it.

Another decision today came rather suddenly but I've been thinking about it for the past few months. Aberystwyth has a north American exchange project. I want to apply for this but only one of the colleges actually interest me, the University of Pittsburgh. It's the highest ranked out of the colleges and is the only one I'd be even remotely interested in going to. Now that's a bold statement, I have to be accepted of course but London was daunting to me so what about America? An entirely different culture, society, country, continent and so on. If I can't cope in London at the age of twenty-two, then what hope do I have in America at the age of twenty?

Time is precious. Growing up doesn't mean being overly serious and failing to grow up doesn't mean holding on to the joys of student life and irresponsibility. It simply means compromises. I have to make a few compromises. Things I'm scared of doing but oddly excited for as well. My plan is simple. I'm going to face the future and plan ahead. Goals cause motivation and now I have mine: University, American exchange, internship and career. It's seemingly perfect but I have to work. My pledge is to start working on my coursework, revision, baccalaureate and even working on my personality and fitness (I'm pretty unhealthy at the moment). These changes are all easy to write but I plan on sticking to them. I don't want to be left behind...not again.